Sunday, May 13, 2018
2 days since christmas. listen to me good. the horse had giant nostrils shooting steam in the ice cold. i never saw a horse before in real life, just on tv. it was black then white then reared and i never saw muscles like that before, bulging for an explosion.
it was in my living room. living.
i just wanted to sing. just sing.
but i wasn’t singing, i had tried all day but i somehow lost my voice, i had even drank whiskey, thinking it would help me get my voice back. it didn’t. so i was listening to elton john sing.
then the horse reared and i shivered in my living room, blanket wrapped around me, something my mother knitted, yarned, whatever, as a gift she would have given me the christmas she died. i did not understand the cold.
this all happened in less than 3 seconds.
then i lay before the horse, right where it would land once it stopped its rearing.
thinking the horse came from hell or heaven, to kill me, i lay before it, closed my eyes and waited.
then its nose, face, whatever you call its face, rubbed my face until i opened my eyes. and that’s how Wind chose to introduce herself – by scaring the hell out of me and making me open my eyes.
at May 13, 2018
Saturday, May 12, 2018
i wrote these words over a thousand years ago – “like a lily among thorny weeds, so is my girl among all girls and my love for her will never end” – and meant them for you
as we lay on sand warming each other under stars, in cuneiform i drew them next to us and later chiseled them in stone and someone, i don’t know who, passed them, in ancient alphabets, to the future
and they’ve lasted until now and will forever because they are true
that night, your head rested under my left hand and i stroked your belly with my right hand
“my beautiful companion,” i said, “come away with me – blossoms have appeared in the land, vines give birth to sweetness, our season has arrived, at sunrise we will pick grapes and eat the fruits of our labor”
and you kissed my mouth saying i tasted like apples and i said, “girl companion of mine, you have the ocean in your eyes, an ocean holding the lights of heaven”
i was just a boy, a mere shepherd, and you chose me above all men reminding me how long and far you searched for me “searched the streets and public squares to no avail” until one day, when i asked for water from your well, you exclaimed you found me though we had just met
we kissed again and you tasted like pomegranate seeds and smelled of honey
and our hearts would not let us sleep and we became drunk on our affections and wondered until the sun rose what would become of us
i just want your mouth
on my mouth
i’ve tried to explain
to myself, my friends
but no words
can do, will ever do
the warmth of your hands
inside of mine
inside my mouth
just before a kiss
the light in your eyes
the notion of me
so i can know you
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